the 21 day.....

this is the 21 day i didn't met v him already.....it looks so short and to me it is already like half month to me....i noe i'm a bit too over bout it but when u miss a guys too much....one day also will feel like 10 days de.....

in these days, i have many flash bck on what i did.....sometimes i really to felt i'm wrong but may be because of me causes everything to drop.....but now i felt that what he has promise me was also a dream......nothing came real in the end....thats y sometimes dun trust dream come true is because of this.....this is like another replay for me....where everything goes like what had happen b4....if i'm really that bad...really that hard to take.....really that unhelpful.....y do u came bck for me?
giving me another chance to hurt myself again.....i felt very stupid....but now this became more worse where i have deeply in love with him that i scare i can nt pull myself out..... waiting is always a hard thing for where i can say myself is a inpatient people....i scare waiting will lost everything.... i scare when time past....i will start to forget bout something.....i will lost the feeling.....i scare i can nt take it......many frens is really supportive and they say if i do love him....give him time....he will come bck for u.....although i can promise happily but deep inside i'm scare.....i'm scare i lost the one i love so much......i scare i will regret......

he say something to me is that he wanted us to think what v wanted....sometimes i really think he dun understand me....i really wanted him to be by myside no matter better or worse.....i want to go though the hard time with him.....i want to share the happiness i have.....i want to work hard with him....i want us to graduate nicely....i want us to stay happy tgt....but i scare i can nt do it.....

being alone sometimes is really hard.....many things that normally he will take care for me is not there anymore.....i have to settle everything myself not that i rely him a lot but talking bout IT stuff he is the only guy i can rely on.....but i can nt find him because even he noe about it he didn't say he will fix it for me.....i'm a bit sad for it but what to do.....i can nt really rely him anymore.....i have frens take me to the computer shop to fix my laptop screen.....but i cost quite a lot.....although i do felt not worth it but nothing else i can do....just pay the person how much he charge for it and i will get bck it not long.....

these days i also quite independent by doin stuff myself.....although sometimes my frens do help.....but at least i starting to think least bout the sad stuff.....making myself bc as much as possible....make my days as much plans as possible... and i also did something that i rarely did for these few years......i deleted his contact num, previous msg, email contact, friend list.......not because i hate him or anything.....just i dun not want to miss him, felt sad until i can nt stand up.....if he will come bck for me.....he will contact me no matter what.....if he do not....nothing much i can do because when times flows somethings v will forget.....hoping the best for me!!!>_<