kinda sad to myself.....

i'm edi stop doin my work ed....i'm edi dun have that kind of feeling to continue.... i felt like i can do much more better but i ratter stop de....wat i happening to me...i'm like running away from something but i dun eve noe wat it is...like mr louis always say thing that r a bit hurt sometimes but he is saying the truth.....am i no ready or i just fooling around....i edi fall down once do i even want to fall down again...of cos not la....but then now i just can not concentrate de cos i'm thinking of my family now....long time didn't go bck de and they miss me very much and my dad goin to have a small operation but then i'm still worry bout him...mind keep on thinking of bad result will come out....is scary...i should really care bout myself more than others...care bout people so much, done so mush thing people dun noe and will not noe and nothing becomes better.....is just a waste of time to put too much effort in it...is kind of tire.....just wish to take a break and do wat ever i want to.....happy holidays to me and my frens out there.....

one of my feelings.......

today is a very tired day....finish rushing roger work but not really complete and after dinner v my best pal came bck and just pengsan there until 12 something am only wake...kekeke....a little of me i worrying bout the marks c i can pass or not cos i dun one to retake it.....and also worrying bout other sub....but worry does not bring me anything so better just let go of it cos wat is done is edi done just need to face it no matter wat.....

yesterday i felt a bit annoyed cos this classmate of mine came and is like giving pressure to me but i noe is me only thinks that way...she is really good in everything i can say but because of sometimes she dun really noe how to understand people that makes people misunderstand her.... but i heard from a fren that she starting to change then i felt i also need to forgive her and may be treat her better cos bein her i noe is not easy....but may b i need time cos still not very guan v her...kekeke....

just now i saw my fren posted pic of her daughter...damn cute...i was really bein touch by those feeling of having a baby and being a mom in my age....cos i noe she is now can consider the happiest women in her life cos she have someone who love her so much and having such beautiful child....later i saw he pic v her husband b4 marry and some wedding pic....i can c happiness in her eyes...her smile....after all those pic....i felt i'm jealous of her....cos i always wanted to be in such happiness but may be not in this age....although i really wanted to get marry in my early age b4 30 but may b thing will change.....this is really god who arrange all these things....if is yours it will be yours for the rest of the time....if not force also no used....
isn't she pretty ^v^

isn't their baby cute and pretty.....


i here wish she and her baby healthy healthy la and also hope she and her baby happy happy....^.^

weird dreams....sleepless nites....

these nites i have weird dreams....it is not any sweet dreams nor any nightmares just i can say some good dreams that may b will happen in life or may b will not.....sometimes it is good to have dreams like tat cos it is another way of giving me chances and hopes to turn things rite also another way to tell myself that i still have choices in life....although i said these things is like very useful but i also hope i have that kind of chances but i think it is not the time and also i still felt that i haven get ready to face although sooner or later i still have to face it.....am i always holding bakc or wat?

sometimes is really easy to say letting go something that is tgt v u like for some years de...but act it is not....is like u edi used to it de....when thinking of getting a new life v someone u felt very strange like everything is not the same de...although u noe that new person will love u more and never ever make u cry no matter wat...it is act a good thing but u decided to let it go cos u edi choose some way that is more harder for u in the future or even now......sometimes u still will think that r u choosing the right way to happiness.....but v can not c into the futire wat will happen...so just let it b....if is meant to be that way...how i'll change it will always b the same......that is wat i dream of these day bout the people who love me but didn't get the chance to b v me always will b in my dreams loving me no matter wat.....hard to believe it.....

another one of those dayz.....

late at nite not sleeping...still got wat to do...blogging lor....got work and lest time but the still dun want to do.....u say is this call fan zin....haizzz....later sure rush like hell....but then i tell myself not to think the negative way cos when u edi started to think like tat...sure will effect own thinking....try my best no matter wat happen....>.<....

for new house in the future still the same thing hope every things goes smoothly and can find the rite place rite people to stay v.....i really need to get out of here!!!!!

weird day weird feelingz.....

today should be like every normal fridays where i will go for class for until five but today i didn't went for morning class but went for mr. louise class.....but i didn't sit in the class to do work but in the library the borrow some books for research then i have best buddy come n teman me( act cos not enought socket only she came de...kekeke...jk ya) then i was very concentrate on doin sketching on my perspective view...is quite ok but i still need to improve in it...kekeke

later i also have a good conversation v my lect mr.louise....he is quite a good listener for a lect....then there is something tat not didn't happen b4 happen....quite secret....people close to me only will noe...kekeke...then he is always tat helpful, encourage me cos i'm always lack of confident....when he ask me y i'm lack of comfident...act i really dun noe...many things came to my mind...but i still dun noe which is the true reason....then after talking v my best buddy...she also dun noe in the first place cos i also dun noe but she just say may b cos of this or that lor...but came to think everything is like have the chance to be the one....then in the end...final answer is "ME"....i also thought of that but not tat sure but now i can tat is the main reason.....but my best buddy always say this and i think is rite....dun worry bout the past,cause there is a reason they didn't make it to your future....i should really let go of my past and start a new one....cos i have new frens and still my best pal always b by my side when i need them....i have good lect supporting me when i have difficulty.... there are noting much i wish for cos they r always the best....^.^

lost..found and still lost...>.<

another day bein confuse and down....i edi though of wat i wanted to do and everthing is in my mind....but y i still can not project it out....everyone is moving fast n faster than me....i'm still like a turtle slowly crawling at the back....i dun have the "uom" in me....i can not be like tat de...i must force myself no matter wat....but can i really do it.....can i really force myself woth nothing holding me bck....can i? who can tell me wherether i really can? act i edi noe what my fren will say...now one can say u can or not cos they are not me....only me myself only can noe wherether i can or not...hahaha....i asking n answering myself...i noe i can but i just felt not enough confident....but i still have to make some move to gain it....no one will give it to me but i can get it myself....wow...i can not believe i saying such things but i dun really do wat i say...it does not match...kekeke...cos not everyone do as wat they say.....include me...wat i say is right n i noe it...i have to b positive and then i will follow wat my mind thinks...then they will always match....

i think the big problem to myself is thinking too much....think all those negative things....think all those stupid thing....i can say i'm not satisfied...no human will b satisfied for wat they have...one day u still live....u sure will want something in ur life....money,prefect love,happy family,carrier and so on....when u have it u sure wish for the best....everything is not enough...hoping it can be better....when u hope...some things u can achive the best and some u can not...cos is not just u is u n your other half....i noe i wanting too much...but human is human....i just wish time can goes bck where everything just started...cos tat will be the most happiest moment with him.... cos until how i can felt the real happiness in me....

i noe now i starting to change...but not sure how i'm gona change into...but always trying to change into a strong gal....cos i noe i'm not.....

tonite will be a good nite...^.^

tonite i think i can get some sleep cos i felt relief....relief of finally get contact v him again....af first i thought will felt strange cos edi long time no contact de but when he calls i just can talk v him naturally....then v just have some sot coversation, asking the same thing between us how r v doin these days bla bla bla.......finally overcome something in my heart n my heart just felt like it can fly...kekeke...can tell he still the same old him but dun noe is he changing good or even woirse....hope he is doin fine la....kekeke....

today i didn't do anywork n is a bad bad thing......must boost up tomorrow....

sleepless nitez...>.<

at this time...348 in the morning i should be sleeping but i can't sleep although i'm tired...something bothering me these days....when someone is bzing v his work i should be ok v it but i felt not ok....i felt something is wrong v me...i should be considerate bout him...but when i saw something he did v his fc frens....i'm a bit small minded de...although nothing is there but i felt like is not fair....may be cos of jealousy...wtf...me bein jealous of some other thing tat i should not n nothing to b jealous about but me is me ...i can be sensitive in sometimes when u dun think i care but act i care..... haizzz...me is like tat....change de also like tat...now a days people r turning to like other people for not who they are but wat they change into....things happen to me n it also happen to others....the world is always tat cruel....where is no such thing as happy ever after in this world.....hahaha...tats is y i always believe in fairy tales althougt it will not come true but to let me feel happy bout it...hahaha...i also dun noe wat i'm talking here...kekeke....

another thing is i had this weird feeling bout my exx....me n him's story is like damn long time ago althougt v still remain as fren but is those no contact tat kind...act i also noe he is those kind of play boy type...but if just bein fren is ok v him....i edi long time didn't meet him or contact him cos if i do so people will think i still can not let go of him or i still like him but i can say no way it will happen again althought he didn't treat me bad or wat la...kekeke....things when strange when i saw my frens pic...it should be just she n her classmates only...but suddenly he shows up in the pic...i was like very shock n asking y he is there...there is no way he should be there...then asking again is he dating any gals there or is he dating my fren...i was like OMG n asking to myself y i care n i asking so much stupid question...if he is so there is nothing to do v me wat....but something ur mouth says does not mean ur heart n mind r thinking the same....to say the truth...when i saw him in the pic i kind of miss him....but not like want to be bck v him....just like want to noe how is he doin rite now something like tat....tats y when i'm alone many things will happen....the same nite i also dream of him n in tat dream i'm like very close fren v him...then end up headache the nxt morning...wtf...y i saw his anything i will bcome so uneasy?y when i saw him he just come bck to my mind?y i asking so much stupid question bout him?he is nothing to me but y?y?if i have no exes it would b better cos dun have this stupid kind of thing will happen...haizzzzzz.....

missed the time v have ......

dun noe y suddenly wanted to write my blog....act is there was nothing happen these few days....just i have one lect he is really a very great lect....he can even noe ur character from u writing n the thing u did....damn rite when he say bout me....kekeke...i like him very much n hope to like him one day but i dun noe y i'm like not enought comfident to be like him althought nothing is imposibble....

act i have some other thing tat i wish i can get advise from him...but i'm thinking is it too personal,will him have nothing to say when i told him bout this thing inside my heart for so long tat i act untill now tat i can not let it down....i really wanted some advise from some one to tell me wat should i do to solve this problem i have for so long....can not even feel rite even when i'm really rite...

the title missed the time v have is bout me n my bf....in the past v were like spendding too much time tgt.....but when come to now...when out time table clash....when he is bcing his assignment n i'm v mine....kind of spend less time tgt....so when the time v can finally be tgt is the most relieve time i ever felt....u can felt another part of ur heart has come bck for u....then u felt so in love....kekeke....happy to say this .....our heart will always have the other part will us....it is good tat i can when i'm in other place....i will not b so sad when apart with him cos i always noe he will always inside my heart n he will always put me inside his heart no matter wat.......kekeke...but if i can solve the problem.....it will be the happiest n relieve day i ever have...... good nite v luv ^.^

feelings of the month......

long time didn't upload my blog de....everytime wanted to write but like nothing to write...kekeke...

these feeling of mine is sometimes hard to express it out....sometimes felt sad but u can not show u r sad....angry also can not angry too much...is a bit sien tat u actually can not express wat u felt in a way u want to....i can say many sad things happen to me recently.....one of my cousin brother just past away....in a age of just 30 something....when i was small....v usually visit him...he is a geek in IT, games....he is really good in it....when years past by...v have lest contact de...i also lest visit him but when i heard bout his gone...my heart felt pain n its like u can not breath for a while....then tears drop....can not believe it really happen....i can just say when he is there i didn't spend sometime v him all...when he is gone i felt sad also felt like no used de....kind of missed him....

the other things is ...sad bout my classmates....i'm sad tat sometimes they dun even care bout how v felt....say things tat r harsh to us...making us felt hurt and pain in the heart....no one wanted anything happen between us so dun try to make or do stupid thing...think b4 u act....not just bout u..care bout others feeling....v r human....not things....animals also have feelings....want to do anything just say it out....ask oppinion....remember is nt u show...is ours....try to grow up de....b4 this i was really angry n sad...but when i heart from a fren about the real thing behind the sence....i felt ok...i hope tat fren of mine is not just trying to help them...hope is from his true heart cos i kinda trust him.....hope everything goes well n will turn a lesson for us...hope she learnt something....

sad.....T.T

today i felt sad....sad for a fren and for myself....i had mention b4 this fren in my blog b4....she is a really kind, simple minded ,helpful, nice , cheerful gal....but she is not tat lucky for her love life....when she meet the rite person but may b it is not in the rite time or may b not in the rite place.....when time n place is rite...the person is not the one....when she have some1 she likes....the guy edi have someone de....haizzz...i really dun want to c her get hurt and sad...but wat i can do...she still need to face to truth by her self and wat i can do is stay by her side and support her....i will not say the guy is bad cos he is also a good fren of mine but may b he dun really noe how to make a limit to things tats y sad thing happen...haizzz....wish they can go through it and still can b fren...tats wat i hope....

as for me...wat am i sad for....act i also not sure y....but is it when a relaltionship gets longer...will people get bored with it? is it the sweetness in it have fade away and it all become so normal???althought it looks like its ok, stable bla bla.....but i still felt like the feeling is bein together for edi may b 5 to 10 years de....all looks so completely normal to me.....i still hope for some of those honey moon tat is when it is just started...kekeke...all those sweetness makes u feel so in love.....i wish i can start all over again...may b or may b not....i still will wait and c wat will happen in the future.....>.<

walao...mana eh tahan!!!!!

today something happen.....the f wolf came out to cari mangsa de....always go cari my fren....he want to attack me but i will kill him if he dare....tim chi he everytime also go attack my fren....tis time lagi worse.....then boys r not in then he can be more brave to action de...damn him!!!!! people watching movie u so bc body join together to watch for wat...also no ajak u to watch also....people asking oppinion u bc boday come over for wat...also no call u....u want cari mangsa go chi cheong kai there la...there many to be ur mangsa....u want do wat to them also can....u got money then can de....dun kacau my fren again la...please la....my fren dun dare to scold u cos she kind n soft...people still want give u muka o.....damn tat wolf lor......if me i sure kill u for sure..wtf....attention all gals always goin to hostel...beware of this big hamsap wolf....if he come near u....just ask him to fuck off...remember....dun be mangsa de!!!!

432 morning

hahaha...at tis time i'm not sleeping either finishing my second assignment tat i should past up long time ago......at first really sleepy but after the time not sleepy de.....kekeke...funny ya....every1 had already finish but me still have25 % to finish it...hope later can finish la....kekeke....these few days or i should say few weeks....quite a lot of things had happen....long story yet a bit complicate...but hope they can handle it la....althought wat happen i will always be there v u all de...>.<

there is something in my mind i can not decide....can anyone help me....is it if the rest of my life for not meeting v "the Queen" am i consider useless?or may be i 'm a scary cat? but if people didn't wanted to meet v u,should i make the first step? always taking the first step is really very common to me...even my love is also i'm taking the first step....but should i in this one? taking the first step in this one is really supper hard for me....either kena scold gou gou li...either kena break up gou gou li...either in the future kena treat super super cold gou gou li......hahaha...really super gou gou li the thing tat i think of...kekeke....but is not the time for me to take this step yet....u wanted to scold me i also decide de la.....no one can force me...kekekeke....

second thing in my mind is either anniversary or having trip v fren.....is one is truly wtf.....these two thing is not in the same date but i still need to choose...really wtf!!!!!!this is my second time of having my anniversary v my bf....but i not sure wat is the reason he wanted me to choose either one....if goin trip v frens no anniversary, if anniversary not having trip v fren...wtf!!!!these two thing is really important to me....one is spending the day v the people i love.... one is celebrathing a really greatfull frens bday having crazy time v my frens....i finally have some fres tat i like so much n they also like me too.....y i still need to choose.....really wtf!!!!!i dun care a....i two also want.....but really wanted to choose....i think i will choose to go trip v frens.....first year anniversary didn't went well.....wishing for second year...but i think i just have to dream for it cos i not goin to celebrate it le....a bit sad but i also quite used to it cos bein v a guy tat dun really care much of date....if for me in the past every special date to me is important....and now....i think there is no meaning for me to care too much of it.....i have to say this.....cos i really have some girls fren to hang out v...i can not loose them....love u guys so much!!!!! bye to anniversary.......

finally...althought the heart got a bit sad...but it will be ok for me since i edi used to it....kekeke...nite nite i need to have my sleep and countinue when i wake up.....

stress a bit, scare a bit....still need to face it....

these few days i also didn't slept early cos need to rush assignment....still have a bout a week time to do the second project....scary....but still need to face it and try my best to finish it....

last few days i was like goin here n there....it is also the first time i slept v two gals side by side in the same bed...kekeke...i felt happy tat i have my own gang tat i will felt comfortable when i'm v them...like to talk wat also can....felt very safe when i'm v them.... kekeke....long time didn't felt tis way de.....

today i had a fight again v him....felt very angry but this time i dun felt sad dun noe y.....normally when i had fights v him i sure will cry but tat time i dun felt tat way....is like not sad not angry like no feeling de.....but my mind came out "break up" this two word....i really wanted to say it out when suddenly dun have tat feeling of saying those word...is not tat i'm scare but is like really no feeling de....is it something good or something bad....i kind of think i'm selfish....i wanted him more than any1 but sometimes i dun want him....is like part time in a relationship part time bein single tat kind if feel....if u ask me do i still love him...i will say yes...but dun noe this answer will it last forever...i really wanted to noe....

i really need a job a...damn poor man...no money to shop.....wet....sien!!!!

time past really fast

today is the second day of the month of July....its really fast tat it had already past half year de....
in this half year time many things had happen happy,sad,angry...any of these also had happened
...some things also change with in this half year time....i also dun noe is a good things or not....may b it is good or may b it is not....hmmmm....

i wish to find a part time job...cos i'm very poor....many things tat i wanted to buy but no money....so sien de lor....haizzz.....i also dun dare to ask for more pocket money also...so wat to do...just need to tahan only lor....kekekeke.....little brother goin to study and i hope he will study hard dun give up....

as for my "sa lao", he really change a lot...he also have read my blog too...kekeke...can not belive he also have read....it is also good tat he read cos sometimes i also will not express wat i'm thinking and my feeling too him also ....he did something special for me quite long de....now i only notice.....am i bad or wat...kekekeke....

scary time for me is i haven finish my first project and yet haven start my second one...hope i can finish soon...gambate to chun,sa,ben,so also...kekeke

tuesday morning....

b4 i went to sleep...i would like to visit my dear blog...kekekeke...yesterday i noe some new frens n they quite playful...i like them very much also...friendly n yet playful...those kind of feeling is like i'm having holiday edi but i haven start yet....my work also haven done yet i'm wishing for my holidays....oh my god....i wonder can i finish on time????i must...just to more time for my holidays...miss them so much....wuhuhu T.T....

to ah chun, ah sa, ah ben, ah so....v must gambate to finish our work n enjoy our holidays....GO GALS....V CAN DO IT!!!!!!

dun noe wat should i name this blog?

these few days quite a lot of things happen.....first i would like to congratulation to my bf's brothers wife, wendy that she had had birth to i'm not yet sure is it a baby girl or boy......times really pass really fast...from tat time i noe tat she is pregnant and now she is already had birth....is really fast....i wish to go visit her but i dun really dare....c first how....

next i would like to say tat i did a quite good presentation for my building by law....i was really happy cos many dun think i can do so but i really let them c the true me tat i really could do things tat they really dun think i can do so...i really hit them in the face....wakakaka....i wish i can keep tat on.....and i will....

then i finally have my gang de...kekeke....n tat is csbs gang...and that is chun, sa, ben, sor....kekeke
but although it means stupid, crazy but v r actually not like tat...crazy may b got a bit but v r actually not stupid....kekekek...just v like to hide ourselves more...kekeke...and i'm happy v them....kekekeke

and for the last part...king of pop micheal jackson had past away....althought i'm not really his fan but i really pei fu him cos of his dance and his song....he pass aways to me is quite young....tat time when i noe he past away....dun noe y i felt sad...tat day it also rain like the god is also crying for him....hope he can rest in peace....he will always be remember no mather wat....

a depressing day

Today i wanted to finish up my work but because of some reason it is bein delay.....so i wish i can pass up by today....super depress n fed up v it de....

my best bro finally had some one he likes and now he is like the blooming flowers....he is so in luck....these days he's moody is supper good....and he is always happy and like to curi curi smile alone....kekeke....i can say he is a good guy....to his gf i can say he will treat her super good....so she can dun worry de la...kekeke....wish they will last long like me n some1 ...kekeke...they are super sweet when i saw them holding hand.....sweet like honey....those kind of feeling is very hard describe is super super sweet de lor....kekeke

i wonder if v two had a wedding together...hmm...it will b happy n sweet .....can not imagine de.....kekeke...need to sleep de...later still need to wake up n countinue my work...sien>.<

dun noe how to describe....

now is edi 5:30 am and i haven sleep yet...but i'm goin to after i wrote this....now i'm sicking and a bit stressful from my assignment...although it still have about 30% to go but it is like many things still need to do....damn fed up v it de....i wish to stop but i can not....i will not give up no matter wat....i must finish it....THIS IS A MUST!!!!!

another thing i would like to share is this word unpredictable....many things tat nv think will happen act happen de....many b its true tat nothing is impossible....may b someday things will trun good between me n "the queen"...may b....n i wish tis fren of mine please dun play v his love life....how come so many relationship didn't last long....is it something wrong v him or her....i dun have the rights to noe wat had happen but i still can say this....v must appreciate the person v love...when u choose to b v him or her...tat is the responsibility between u n her...u can just broke bcos some small matter v must learn to accept the good n bad of tat person....tat can prove tat is true love in it....this is wat i learn from a book.... talk like a pro but i'm still learning how to love a person...kekeke

today is father's day.....everyone have their own family to celebrate v...but i dun have cos they are far from me....i wish to celebrate father's day v my dad but i do not have the time and chance....i miss him so much....but some day i sure will have a chance de....i wanted him to b happy.....healty....daddy....i love u!!!!happy father's day to u!!!!

am i happy?

i was wondering....am i really tat happy? everytime i thought i was happy but y i dun really felt so....now i'm away from my family....miss them so much...they are the only people in this world tat i can really feel safe and warm n being love....bein v them i can felt the true happiness in it....although sometimes v have same hard time but i still love them for who they are.....

when i thought i found a person tat i really can put my hold life in him....at first it was like really happy tat i found some one tat i love....but when times past...people dun feel the same ....may b some will change also....at the same time i'm asking myself....did i change ? am i not who am i ?asking these question but i can not even give myself an answer....am i bein annoying ? am i to simple thinking? am i really that stupid? may b or may b not tat is wat i can say to myself....bein shouted by some1 u love not for the first time....how is tat feeling? can any1 tell me? i felt it....wat i can tell is its hurts really bad....i can say may b it will happen again...it is really because of me saying tat much? i also wanted to noe....

until now my love for him has become confusing....is it true love or just becoming a needs????i wish i dun need him tat much....i really hope so....but y every time i woke up i must think of him...to say the true my heart until now is still hurting....a hole in it that needed to heal a long time....please b strong my heart....i needed u tat much so dun let down....hope everything will not get worse ...really hope so.....

new "home"

this will b my new place to write my blog....i may not everyday write in it but i will try to share all my feelings.....

through these few days....i felt something...something different in me....but i dun noe wat is it....am i fatter? thinner? or something else...hmmmm......but i found out this book....its call "i never knew i had a choise" it is a good book....the book tell many things...love, relatioships, family....n more....when i read it de i will share wat is wroten in it....hehehe....

then i finally had i brand tat i like so much...."Coach".....i like its everything...but no money to buy >.< so sad...but i will try my best to save money to buy 1 de...hehehe

i think tats all for today n happy 21st bday to qp also....