confusing and yet happy

haven write my blog in this kind of time cos normally it will be in the middle of the nite that i have the feeling to write it...hahaha.....these few month many things had happen......i'm bein single, bein chaise my boys....bein pamper by some one who really love me .... confusing of who to choose, who will give me happiness tat i want...wow....it is really like sitting in roller coaster....

act is kind of free to be single.....do want u want without letting other people to care...flirt as much as u can....hahaha...tats wat i always do....kinda enjoy of bein single tat time.....whne coming down to decision...it really bring me a lot of headache....i hope i will not regret again for making this decision again...but dun noe y now i felt i edi win something and lose another thing.....hope he will understand and and he will always be in my mind and heart tat i will always remember tat there are still other guys that can treat me like a princess...love me for who i am....will be always remember.....

to tat guy out there that i have bein v him for so many years and time.....if u dare to hurt me and make me angry again......there will not be the third time le.....>_<....hao hao fan sing la.....

hope everything will go smoothly ....^_^

happy "new" year.....

now is the year of 2010....a brand new year....it is kind of strange and kind of different cos from last year no so much invitation on goin vacation but in this year is like damn lot.....but cos of my finance problem i can not go all so i just have to choose....i let some of my fren down and may b they r disappointed in me but i also felt sorry and sad that i break my promise again.....i'm really sorry...this few starting week of the new year felt emotional....when i felt sad wish to cry out loud but i can't.....is just like i wanted to shout but i dun have the voice to shout out loud....is like something holding me bck to do so.....may be is because somethings happen in the previous year that make me cry lest and i almost forgot when is the last time that cry out so badly....kinda miss those feeling cos if u just cry out loud it felt good and relieve.....

this year gave a feeling of the year come all those thing coming bck.....some can consider good and some are bad.....somethings change in the last year but this year is like the old self came bck again.....i felt myself is stating to change cos i felt when i'm angry with him and i'm really nt talking v him....and every time when i have hope in him it just turn me down every time...many people ask me to appreciate for wat i have and the person who care of me.....but does he really care.....no one can really tell.....i just felt disappointed v me and starting to felt for myself and care much bout myself.....my feeling....always wanted someone to care more bout me and always b by my side when i needed but i think that some people are may b selfish and i think may b i should be the other person who care more bout myself.....

kinda funny for me to write something so down and sad for the starting year and although i'm still hoping for something special to remember for the coming days and months....but i will not hoping that much cos somethings will always be the same......"happy new year" li ching.....

kinda sad to myself.....

i'm edi stop doin my work ed....i'm edi dun have that kind of feeling to continue.... i felt like i can do much more better but i ratter stop de....wat i happening to me...i'm like running away from something but i dun eve noe wat it is...like mr louis always say thing that r a bit hurt sometimes but he is saying the truth.....am i no ready or i just fooling around....i edi fall down once do i even want to fall down again...of cos not la....but then now i just can not concentrate de cos i'm thinking of my family now....long time didn't go bck de and they miss me very much and my dad goin to have a small operation but then i'm still worry bout him...mind keep on thinking of bad result will come out....is scary...i should really care bout myself more than others...care bout people so much, done so mush thing people dun noe and will not noe and nothing becomes better.....is just a waste of time to put too much effort in it...is kind of tire.....just wish to take a break and do wat ever i want to.....happy holidays to me and my frens out there.....

one of my feelings.......

today is a very tired day....finish rushing roger work but not really complete and after dinner v my best pal came bck and just pengsan there until 12 something am only wake...kekeke....a little of me i worrying bout the marks c i can pass or not cos i dun one to retake it.....and also worrying bout other sub....but worry does not bring me anything so better just let go of it cos wat is done is edi done just need to face it no matter wat.....

yesterday i felt a bit annoyed cos this classmate of mine came and is like giving pressure to me but i noe is me only thinks that way...she is really good in everything i can say but because of sometimes she dun really noe how to understand people that makes people misunderstand her.... but i heard from a fren that she starting to change then i felt i also need to forgive her and may be treat her better cos bein her i noe is not easy....but may b i need time cos still not very guan v her...kekeke....

just now i saw my fren posted pic of her daughter...damn cute...i was really bein touch by those feeling of having a baby and being a mom in my age....cos i noe she is now can consider the happiest women in her life cos she have someone who love her so much and having such beautiful child....later i saw he pic v her husband b4 marry and some wedding pic....i can c happiness in her eyes...her smile....after all those pic....i felt i'm jealous of her....cos i always wanted to be in such happiness but may be not in this age....although i really wanted to get marry in my early age b4 30 but may b thing will change.....this is really god who arrange all these things....if is yours it will be yours for the rest of the time....if not force also no used....
isn't she pretty ^v^

isn't their baby cute and pretty.....


i here wish she and her baby healthy healthy la and also hope she and her baby happy happy....^.^

weird dreams....sleepless nites....

these nites i have weird dreams....it is not any sweet dreams nor any nightmares just i can say some good dreams that may b will happen in life or may b will not.....sometimes it is good to have dreams like tat cos it is another way of giving me chances and hopes to turn things rite also another way to tell myself that i still have choices in life....although i said these things is like very useful but i also hope i have that kind of chances but i think it is not the time and also i still felt that i haven get ready to face although sooner or later i still have to face it.....am i always holding bakc or wat?

sometimes is really easy to say letting go something that is tgt v u like for some years de...but act it is not....is like u edi used to it de....when thinking of getting a new life v someone u felt very strange like everything is not the same de...although u noe that new person will love u more and never ever make u cry no matter wat...it is act a good thing but u decided to let it go cos u edi choose some way that is more harder for u in the future or even now......sometimes u still will think that r u choosing the right way to happiness.....but v can not c into the futire wat will happen...so just let it b....if is meant to be that way...how i'll change it will always b the same......that is wat i dream of these day bout the people who love me but didn't get the chance to b v me always will b in my dreams loving me no matter wat.....hard to believe it.....

another one of those dayz.....

late at nite not sleeping...still got wat to do...blogging lor....got work and lest time but the still dun want to do.....u say is this call fan zin....haizzz....later sure rush like hell....but then i tell myself not to think the negative way cos when u edi started to think like tat...sure will effect own thinking....try my best no matter wat happen....>.<....

for new house in the future still the same thing hope every things goes smoothly and can find the rite place rite people to stay v.....i really need to get out of here!!!!!

weird day weird feelingz.....

today should be like every normal fridays where i will go for class for until five but today i didn't went for morning class but went for mr. louise class.....but i didn't sit in the class to do work but in the library the borrow some books for research then i have best buddy come n teman me( act cos not enought socket only she came de...kekeke...jk ya) then i was very concentrate on doin sketching on my perspective view...is quite ok but i still need to improve in it...kekeke

later i also have a good conversation v my lect mr.louise....he is quite a good listener for a lect....then there is something tat not didn't happen b4 happen....quite secret....people close to me only will noe...kekeke...then he is always tat helpful, encourage me cos i'm always lack of confident....when he ask me y i'm lack of comfident...act i really dun noe...many things came to my mind...but i still dun noe which is the true reason....then after talking v my best buddy...she also dun noe in the first place cos i also dun noe but she just say may b cos of this or that lor...but came to think everything is like have the chance to be the one....then in the end...final answer is "ME"....i also thought of that but not tat sure but now i can tat is the main reason.....but my best buddy always say this and i think is rite....dun worry bout the past,cause there is a reason they didn't make it to your future....i should really let go of my past and start a new one....cos i have new frens and still my best pal always b by my side when i need them....i have good lect supporting me when i have difficulty.... there are noting much i wish for cos they r always the best....^.^