today i slept in 8 something a.m. because i totally can not sleep.....my mind is full of him inside.....today i also ask him to come because not just i want to c him but i also have some stuff with him especial my previous work that i need to email to my lecture studies for further studies...although i have not much confident in whether i can make it or not but there is a chance and y not i just try my luck....same towards my relationship, i still have chance to make things right and why not i just do my best to make him mine again....why not? talking like this shows that i'm like very confident but deep inside i'm not.....i still scare i will lose and got rejected.....
many friends of mine supported me no matter how hards it takes.....everytime i ask do i still have the chance....they sure will say if u got the heart there is always a chance for everything.....i believe in that because i have the heart to do so....i believe i have the heart he one day will be touch by me....wahahaha.....already imagining things already......may be he will cry....hahaha.....
i just want to get things right and do whatever i can.....be.....wait n c.....muahahaha......
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
day 24....
i wish to write something on this day but......is hard for me.....i really wish time can turn back and i will not do stupid mistake.....i really do not want to lose him.....but i can not do anything for now because he is now became like what i am before.....losing faith....if i'm still staying in the same area with him i sure will go find him no matter what just like he never let go of me.....but now....i dun think i can do so....i really wish tomorrow he will come find me and i will convince him and give confident to him and prove to him that all these time i will not let go of him no matter what had happen.....hope my friend out there will support me no matter what had happen......be....i will love u no matter what.....i will chaise u back no matter what it takes.....u will always be mine......hope the best for tomorrow......
Thursday, September 16, 2010
day 23...
now is 6:27 am....i think all must have woke up for work and some ready for schooling and i think some still sleeping but me....haven sleep yet because went to port Dickson celebrate my buddy bday's.....
v when out on our on 6 something pm......than reach there bout 9 something i think.....it was also my first time to go port dickson....port dickson as i noe is not just one beach there....v only went to the beach where one of my friend went before and she say there can consider quite a nice beach to have bbq....the sand there was white and soft....was really comfortable to walk with.....when v reach there, there already have other people having bbq there.....v also went to choose a nice place to settle our stuff.....
after setting our stuff than v began to start fire.....i always like to help to built up the fire because when u success to raise the fire u will felt very happy that everyone get to bbq their food.....it is also good for arm exerciser because i have flappy arm .....hehehe.....when v are raising the fire than came some officer and v saw the other group who was bbq before us starting to pack their stuff and that time i was thinking that is it they came to stop us from using public place ? will they ask us to pack our stuff back.....a bit worry....but they just came and saw us v our stove and just tell us the keep the place clean after using it.....cos they say they have CCTV watching us....this is the funny part when one of my cute friend ask the officer is it the CCTV on the tree but the officer didn't reply anything......v felt very curios because there dun seem to have anything that look like a CCTV....hahahaha.....funny that my cute friend ask that question.....
later all goes well, the fire get to raise up successfully and they all started to bbq their food....at first i was worried bout the chicken wing that i marinated , scare that wherether it had taste or not or even worse taste bad....but the result came out not bad....hahaha....but i still need to improve my skills on it so that next time i will haven prefect marinated chicken wings so that everybody get to eat until finger licking good.......hahahaha
than some of us went out for a walk beside the beach after a heavy meal.....enjoying the cool breeze....letting the mind that is full of things that are not even worth worry about left it a side....calm and cool....everything went very well until 3 am something v say good bye to p.d. and gone back to k.l. it was quite lucky that it does rain when we were having bbq and it rain when v are going back k.l.
conclusion bout the trip i can say it was enjoying and quite fresh to me because it was my first time to go somewhere far just to bbq....hahaha....and the other thing is i'm quite jealous of the birthday gal because how she wanted to celebrate her birthday get to go one smoothly with out any rejection....as for me i always didn't get to celebrate the way i wanted because there was really many rejection and also dun have "the people" who willing to put effort for it.....thats why i'm really jealous of her.....but i of cause will try to get what i wanted in the future so that i will not jealous others but letting others jealous of me....wahahahaha.....i also wish i have that day.....
p/s: pictures will be upload as soon as possible....hahaha
v when out on our on 6 something pm......than reach there bout 9 something i think.....it was also my first time to go port dickson....port dickson as i noe is not just one beach there....v only went to the beach where one of my friend went before and she say there can consider quite a nice beach to have bbq....the sand there was white and soft....was really comfortable to walk with.....when v reach there, there already have other people having bbq there.....v also went to choose a nice place to settle our stuff.....
after setting our stuff than v began to start fire.....i always like to help to built up the fire because when u success to raise the fire u will felt very happy that everyone get to bbq their food.....it is also good for arm exerciser because i have flappy arm .....hehehe.....when v are raising the fire than came some officer and v saw the other group who was bbq before us starting to pack their stuff and that time i was thinking that is it they came to stop us from using public place ? will they ask us to pack our stuff back.....a bit worry....but they just came and saw us v our stove and just tell us the keep the place clean after using it.....cos they say they have CCTV watching us....this is the funny part when one of my cute friend ask the officer is it the CCTV on the tree but the officer didn't reply anything......v felt very curios because there dun seem to have anything that look like a CCTV....hahahaha.....funny that my cute friend ask that question.....
later all goes well, the fire get to raise up successfully and they all started to bbq their food....at first i was worried bout the chicken wing that i marinated , scare that wherether it had taste or not or even worse taste bad....but the result came out not bad....hahaha....but i still need to improve my skills on it so that next time i will haven prefect marinated chicken wings so that everybody get to eat until finger licking good.......hahahaha
than some of us went out for a walk beside the beach after a heavy meal.....enjoying the cool breeze....letting the mind that is full of things that are not even worth worry about left it a side....calm and cool....everything went very well until 3 am something v say good bye to p.d. and gone back to k.l. it was quite lucky that it does rain when we were having bbq and it rain when v are going back k.l.
conclusion bout the trip i can say it was enjoying and quite fresh to me because it was my first time to go somewhere far just to bbq....hahaha....and the other thing is i'm quite jealous of the birthday gal because how she wanted to celebrate her birthday get to go one smoothly with out any rejection....as for me i always didn't get to celebrate the way i wanted because there was really many rejection and also dun have "the people" who willing to put effort for it.....thats why i'm really jealous of her.....but i of cause will try to get what i wanted in the future so that i will not jealous others but letting others jealous of me....wahahahaha.....i also wish i have that day.....
p/s: pictures will be upload as soon as possible....hahaha
day 22...
today i woke up quite early bout 12 something....y i say quite early because normally i woke up bout 2 something in the afternoon because last night i also sleep quite late bout 2 something a.m. Than making branch for my friend and also myself because all of haven ate something....so i went on preparing ingredients for my own recipes for mash potato....although is nothing special in it...but it taste nice...... luckily it was all gone when the part of my friends just woke up....hahaha...
after having my branch i go on having a bit ice cream from my friend because i want to eat ice cream so badly since yesterday night...hahaha...because having ice cream especially those nice ones will make people happier....hehehe....don't u agree v me?
my mood now became much more better and i start to put "things" down ....not to letting it go just wanted to control myself from being very emotional....
suddenly i got this msg from my cousin sister that one of my uncle had past away....i was kinda of shock....his son just past away a few months ago and now he went off....hardly believe it but it is true....my memories for this uncle is not much but i remember he also treat me quite good when i was small that time....than i remember how he make fun of my brother and also sometimes asking very stupid question to me....is not very good memories...hahaha....but may be the way he care for other is different that we do not really understand or accept it.....but now he is gone....people that care bout us is stating to go one by one....this year i edi lost three people beside me.....or may be it should be four include "him"....i wish it will stop...i do not know how much i can lose....i just wish people that care the most will not leave me.....to many people out there....cherries the people when they are still alive.....
later i will be goin to port Dickson to celebrate my buddy's bday....hope every thing goes well and i how i have something interesting to write.....wish me happiness and safety.... ^_^
after having my branch i go on having a bit ice cream from my friend because i want to eat ice cream so badly since yesterday night...hahaha...because having ice cream especially those nice ones will make people happier....hehehe....don't u agree v me?
my mood now became much more better and i start to put "things" down ....not to letting it go just wanted to control myself from being very emotional....
suddenly i got this msg from my cousin sister that one of my uncle had past away....i was kinda of shock....his son just past away a few months ago and now he went off....hardly believe it but it is true....my memories for this uncle is not much but i remember he also treat me quite good when i was small that time....than i remember how he make fun of my brother and also sometimes asking very stupid question to me....is not very good memories...hahaha....but may be the way he care for other is different that we do not really understand or accept it.....but now he is gone....people that care bout us is stating to go one by one....this year i edi lost three people beside me.....or may be it should be four include "him"....i wish it will stop...i do not know how much i can lose....i just wish people that care the most will not leave me.....to many people out there....cherries the people when they are still alive.....
later i will be goin to port Dickson to celebrate my buddy's bday....hope every thing goes well and i how i have something interesting to write.....wish me happiness and safety.... ^_^
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
the 21 day.....
this is the 21 day i didn't met v him already.....it looks so short and to me it is already like half month to me....i noe i'm a bit too over bout it but when u miss a guys too much....one day also will feel like 10 days de.....
in these days, i have many flash bck on what i did.....sometimes i really to felt i'm wrong but may be because of me causes everything to drop.....but now i felt that what he has promise me was also a dream......nothing came real in the end....thats y sometimes dun trust dream come true is because of this.....this is like another replay for me....where everything goes like what had happen b4....if i'm really that bad...really that hard to take.....really that unhelpful.....y do u came bck for me?
giving me another chance to hurt myself again.....i felt very stupid....but now this became more worse where i have deeply in love with him that i scare i can nt pull myself out..... waiting is always a hard thing for where i can say myself is a inpatient people....i scare waiting will lost everything.... i scare when time past....i will start to forget bout something.....i will lost the feeling.....i scare i can nt take it......many frens is really supportive and they say if i do love him....give him time....he will come bck for u.....although i can promise happily but deep inside i'm scare.....i'm scare i lost the one i love so much......i scare i will regret......
he say something to me is that he wanted us to think what v wanted....sometimes i really think he dun understand me....i really wanted him to be by myside no matter better or worse.....i want to go though the hard time with him.....i want to share the happiness i have.....i want to work hard with him....i want us to graduate nicely....i want us to stay happy tgt....but i scare i can nt do it.....
being alone sometimes is really hard.....many things that normally he will take care for me is not there anymore.....i have to settle everything myself not that i rely him a lot but talking bout IT stuff he is the only guy i can rely on.....but i can nt find him because even he noe about it he didn't say he will fix it for me.....i'm a bit sad for it but what to do.....i can nt really rely him anymore.....i have frens take me to the computer shop to fix my laptop screen.....but i cost quite a lot.....although i do felt not worth it but nothing else i can do....just pay the person how much he charge for it and i will get bck it not long.....
these days i also quite independent by doin stuff myself.....although sometimes my frens do help.....but at least i starting to think least bout the sad stuff.....making myself bc as much as possible....make my days as much plans as possible... and i also did something that i rarely did for these few years......i deleted his contact num, previous msg, email contact, friend list.......not because i hate him or anything.....just i dun not want to miss him, felt sad until i can nt stand up.....if he will come bck for me.....he will contact me no matter what.....if he do not....nothing much i can do because when times flows somethings v will forget.....hoping the best for me!!!>_<
in these days, i have many flash bck on what i did.....sometimes i really to felt i'm wrong but may be because of me causes everything to drop.....but now i felt that what he has promise me was also a dream......nothing came real in the end....thats y sometimes dun trust dream come true is because of this.....this is like another replay for me....where everything goes like what had happen b4....if i'm really that bad...really that hard to take.....really that unhelpful.....y do u came bck for me?
giving me another chance to hurt myself again.....i felt very stupid....but now this became more worse where i have deeply in love with him that i scare i can nt pull myself out..... waiting is always a hard thing for where i can say myself is a inpatient people....i scare waiting will lost everything.... i scare when time past....i will start to forget bout something.....i will lost the feeling.....i scare i can nt take it......many frens is really supportive and they say if i do love him....give him time....he will come bck for u.....although i can promise happily but deep inside i'm scare.....i'm scare i lost the one i love so much......i scare i will regret......
he say something to me is that he wanted us to think what v wanted....sometimes i really think he dun understand me....i really wanted him to be by myside no matter better or worse.....i want to go though the hard time with him.....i want to share the happiness i have.....i want to work hard with him....i want us to graduate nicely....i want us to stay happy tgt....but i scare i can nt do it.....
being alone sometimes is really hard.....many things that normally he will take care for me is not there anymore.....i have to settle everything myself not that i rely him a lot but talking bout IT stuff he is the only guy i can rely on.....but i can nt find him because even he noe about it he didn't say he will fix it for me.....i'm a bit sad for it but what to do.....i can nt really rely him anymore.....i have frens take me to the computer shop to fix my laptop screen.....but i cost quite a lot.....although i do felt not worth it but nothing else i can do....just pay the person how much he charge for it and i will get bck it not long.....
these days i also quite independent by doin stuff myself.....although sometimes my frens do help.....but at least i starting to think least bout the sad stuff.....making myself bc as much as possible....make my days as much plans as possible... and i also did something that i rarely did for these few years......i deleted his contact num, previous msg, email contact, friend list.......not because i hate him or anything.....just i dun not want to miss him, felt sad until i can nt stand up.....if he will come bck for me.....he will contact me no matter what.....if he do not....nothing much i can do because when times flows somethings v will forget.....hoping the best for me!!!>_<
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
this sucks!!!!
have u ever like someone that dun like u?.....have u ever missed someone badly but in the end u felt not Worth missing?....have ever felt pain in ur heart that no one will understand?....have u ever felt a jerk to urself?.....have u ever felt stupid of wat u did b4?.....have u ever ......i guess anyone out there who have this kind of feelings will feel the same as me .....THIS SUCKS!!!!!
NO MORE WAITING!
NO MORE LEFT BEHIND!
NO MORE HURTING!
NO MORE STUPID FEELINGS!
NO MORE INSULTING!
NO MORE CRYING!
NO MORE...NO MORE....NO MORE!!!!!!
I'm tired of it already.....i want to fight for my own happiness not suffering because of those stupid people.....this is the last call for me....if i dun wake up no one will wake me....readers and friend out there please so support me.....i really need u guys by my side.....i will stand bck up and continue my journey...
NO MORE WAITING!
NO MORE LEFT BEHIND!
NO MORE HURTING!
NO MORE STUPID FEELINGS!
NO MORE INSULTING!
NO MORE CRYING!
NO MORE...NO MORE....NO MORE!!!!!!
I'm tired of it already.....i want to fight for my own happiness not suffering because of those stupid people.....this is the last call for me....if i dun wake up no one will wake me....readers and friend out there please so support me.....i really need u guys by my side.....i will stand bck up and continue my journey...
Thursday, August 26, 2010
happy, sad, confusing, suffering, exciting.....
hi bloggers or readers out there.....past few days i went for a study trip to phuket and crabbi in thailand. it was a hold new experience for me....first time went canoeing in the island where i see many types of plants, crab, birds and even fishes that noe how to fly....hahaha....interesting rite....than i also learn some thailand culture about how they pray for the sea god to pray for safety and harmony in the sea. i also took part in make the so call " birthday cake" cos it is decorate v banana leave, beautiful flowers and also candles and joss stick on it. our team ( me and on of my classmate) make a special one which is taller than any others....hehehe....later on v have to go bck to the sea to float in on the sea and also make a wish....i didn't manage to make any wishes cos i dun noe wat to wish for....in the end i just wish in my heart for something that i would wanted and is important for me thats all....actually i dun even noe wat i want for...may be love, money , studies ,health , family and so on.....just wish for something i wanted to most. it was really a enjoyable day on the ship having dinner while watching the black and calm blue sea.
than the next few days i went to beaches , shopping, boating, atv, snorkeling although i dun noe how to swim , shopping again, crazy v frens in our room, fashion show, hahaha.....is like a big family that v come together.....i felt very freely in the trip and thought of many things.....sometimes i need to be strong on something to get better in the future....and one more thing i also when to tiger cave when it have a temple there and i when for praying and also ask for a fortune paper. i got the num 9 for that paper and in thailand it was a very good num but as for wat it preddic was just so so.....have some good part in wat am i doin on and some bad part toward my relationship and health. may be i should really consider on my love life since i have really go thought many things......
wish me luck in everything....^_^
than the next few days i went to beaches , shopping, boating, atv, snorkeling although i dun noe how to swim , shopping again, crazy v frens in our room, fashion show, hahaha.....is like a big family that v come together.....i felt very freely in the trip and thought of many things.....sometimes i need to be strong on something to get better in the future....and one more thing i also when to tiger cave when it have a temple there and i when for praying and also ask for a fortune paper. i got the num 9 for that paper and in thailand it was a very good num but as for wat it preddic was just so so.....have some good part in wat am i doin on and some bad part toward my relationship and health. may be i should really consider on my love life since i have really go thought many things......
wish me luck in everything....^_^
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