A letter to Mummy ...

today i hear my mom telling her story bck when she was just got married, and she was in a family, how relative are bck then.....it was a sad and depressing story...she really scarified so much for the family yet no one appreciate her and she was hurt like a thousand needle or even more poking through her heart until she felt numb....it was really sad to hear that...i saw my mom crying when she tell her story....when her tears fell, my tears began to fell....i was really touch of what she had did all these time....she protect us when v needed, take care of no matter how she was.....it was really hard for her back then.....

Now we had all grow up, we have our own life but i swear i will bring better life for her and will not let anything harm her no matter what....I WILL and I MUST.....I want to be success so that one day i want to take my mom to travel....she did get the chance to do so become she dun have income and my dad will not waste money for it....i swear....i will always be there for u no matter what happen...MUMMY, I LOVE U!!!!!

totally lost in mind...

i'm kinda of lost in my mind....starting to think what is right what is wrong...what i should what i shouldn't ..... things that i felt is right but came out disappointing me ....kinda sad to felt tat way....i really don't noe is it the truth? i'm always following my heart more than my mind....kinda of stupid to be someone like me ....tats y always easy to believe people, fall for people and some other stupid stuff.....this is my so-called weakness...sometimes is good to follow u heart...but sometimes u really need to think rationally...when will i really learn and change....i know it will not be prefect but at least things will not came out sadly and disappointing . T_T

i edi got a job at SSF but not very sure my position is....cos the manager will change me here and there to c which part suit me ....i'm now located at the handicraft department there thinking ideas to decorate stuff especially those unsellable product....hahaha....cos if the limited stuff i sometimes need to servers customers , measure clove and ribbons....i just work for three days but i edi felt like i haven find what i want....am i too fast or what....hahaha....but is a good experience where i get to know many kinds of material for decoration....tool...accessories.....the peoples needs.... i surely will not stay there for long because i still have my dream to achieves....hopefully things goes well....so are to my buddy out there that is working...hope the same to them too...^^

attention gurls...when free to gather? miss u guys so much...^^

oww man!!!!

friends ? lovers? this is really OWWW MAN!!!!

just read one of my besties blog...really felt OWWW MAN!!!! i didn't get to join to party due to money issue...damn poor that time...after watching the post she had post and some pic also really felt that they had fun that time....they look so damn gorgeous until i also beh tahan...hahaha...but i can nt stop my heart from saying I'M JEALOUS de...haha.....other than that deep inside i still care bout them and miss them too...may be i dun noe how to arrange my time for them, make them felt i abandon them or in other way, i being left out....sad right? T_T

for the lovers part, i just got an answer from him...FINALLY...but dun noe why i felt like not enough...haha...i'm always wanting more from him...at least what i have gave out finally have a good return...i think so...hahaha...hope this will last till the end...^^

ATTENTION BUDDIES OUT THERE(U NOE WHO U R): SORRY FOR LEFT OUT U GUYS FOR SO LONG DUE TO MY PERSONAL ISSUE,I THINK U GUYS SURE NOE, I HOPE I CAN REPLACE TO U GUYS...WITHOUT U GUYS, I CAN NT STAND TILL NOW...I CAN NT EVEN BEEN SITTING HERE TYING MY BLOG. U GUYS R IMPORTANT TO ME AND I CAN NT EVEN BARE TO LOSE U GUYS...THANK YOU GUYS FOR EVERYTHING...I NOE I'M NOT REALLY THAT GOOD FRIEND OF URS, NT BEING THERE WHEN U GUYS NEEDED, NT HAVING FUN WHEN U GUYS WANTED...SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A BADASS....

fire works....

the song titled FIRE WORKS by KATY PERRY. i bet everyone knows this songs, but for the first time today i saw this video mtv, at first this song gave the msg of some love stories something like that , but after watching the mtv, it is actually about everyones heart and what they dream of.

Everyones heart have their own dream and thats makes everyone different from each other, original, one in the kind...its telling us do v have the guts to take that step and make it come true...

after hearing the song, watching the mtv, makes me think that where is my fire works? now everybody have their own ways, started to go in to what they wanted to go, their target in something. But me, i dun really have my target, lost, dun noe where i should go...hopefully one day i will find something that my heart will be like a fire works always bursting out different colours, giving people surprise every time....that is what i wish for...hopefully i noe where am i goin for...^^

SENTENCE ON THE DAY:

WE CAN HAVE MANY DREAMS, MANY AIMS BUT WHICH IS THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY BE THE ONE THAT BURST OUT COLOURS, LIKE A FIRE WORKS? AGREE?

I'm WICKED....HEHEHEEEEE....

Today is like sitting in a roller coaster...moving up and down....heart beat also from fast to slow....

i didn't get to finish my stuff so to9 still need to rush up...>_<...SAD...tomorrow sure let the lecture scold de....hmmmm...i'm sure will be stung by "hidden words" form him again....hate it!!!

but today i also felt happy cos i have him v me...teman me all the time...although he always want to scold me for every time last minit...but v him by my side...although he bising a lot but i still felt save and no worries when he is beside me....i didn't expect to get anything from him...but today i got chocolates from him....i was happy....he like noe what is the best time to present me...

because this moment i really need his support and care...

this is the one he gave me...strawberries chocolates..it smells nice and of cos taste nice...not too sweet not too bitter...just ok.......

i was really weird that y he choose such wording for the tin box...am i really that wicked?....how come i myself also dun noe....hahaha....from today i saw him as a quite happy person where he talks a lot, sharing a lot of stuff to me that makes me feel so secured being with him...hearing the thing that he said i can spend the hold day doing nothing just for him....

todays sentence of the day: Can LOVE be as easy as it looks like?

agree?

找死的我。。。。

DEAD LINE is around the conner,

presentation is on Thursday,

tomorrow need to print out so that can PIN up,

and wat am i doing now...BLOGGING!!!

我是不在找死。。。。哈哈！！！

So long didn't visit my another buddy's blog and suddenly i went over to VISIT,

Looks i have been missed out is happening around her,

but i'm happy and 放心 that she is ok and happy,

although she is a bit emo and moody sometimes,

but overall she is fine,

can eat, can sleep, can laugh, can be happy,

so consider ok la....^^

i kinda misses her too,

but mostly i'm JEALOUS of her,

am i really a person that jealous easily,

i admit, YES!!!

Knowing her had a such great bf makes me sooooo ENVY her,

another side also happy for her la...cos her bf treat her well and she is happy^^

nothing to say d....cos of too JEALOUS d... MISS KENIX LIM..... wahahahaha...

another thing i wanted to blog is every time i read her blog really makes me felt 幸福，

a bit sad also cos makes me think bck of the things i lost....

sometimes i really hate myself for can nt become a really 狠 de person...

if i am may be i will not felt wat i am feeling now...

should i feel lucky that i can still be beside him?

should i felt happy that he treat me diff from others?

should i felt sad when walking behind of him watching his bck side facing me?

should i just may be run away to a far far country ?

should i even have hopes for him?

should i? can any one tell me?

* i'm not being emo here just something tangled in my heart and want to pour it all out

i think my friends will totally scold me or saying how stupid i am...but in deed I AM

sometimes i just need to face the truth that i am really STUPID, UNMATURED

May be later something will change...I can feel something will come up...just i dun noe is good or bad...hopefully is something good ba...

lastly today sentence of the day:

IF FEELINGS CAN BE CONTROL, HOW GOOD LIFE CAN BE!

AGREE?

may be something isn't impossible...

at this time 4:08 a.m. i still have the time to blog...i should not be doin this be i can nt help it...

still have many things haven done, i really scare i can nt make it...I'M SCARE!!!!!!!

beside sharing my stupid thinking and fears...i wanted to share that i just went to my FB and i saw my hometown friend...v were close went v r in primary school...but after that v have our own friend so v talk lest...she is younger than me i think two years ba...dun care la...she have this relationship with her bf who is also same primary and secondary school v her...they have been tgt for seven years...really long...but dun noe wat happen they broke up...from the facebook status she is always sad and moody those days...but when time goes on i can see started to go on with her life strongly...i can also felt that she still love him...at that time i really think that they w

ill be tgt bck again because normally i saw those couple tgt for that long also will nt get bk tgt again....but out of the impossibility...they are bck tgt...i was quite shock but from my feelings i can feel that they still love each other and hopefully history will not happen again....i was also happy to c them bck tgt....hopefully they will noe hw to appreciated each other till the end...

from this impossibility...i believe there is chances in life...but to me, myself...i really dun dare to think...chances will nt drop down from the sky, v have to gained it ourself....i tried, i fall, i fail...although i can stand bck up but i edi lose faith de...dun really dare to believe.... so BAD la me being emo again...i promise i will try to share out as much happy and stop sharing emo stuff de...Sorry ya!!

love is everywhere , love is as sweet as this soft candy....hope every1 will get love ^^

i hope my life will be like this smoothies...full of colours...everyday will a special day...full of happiness...^^

ONLY YOU...

ONLY YOU is the newest HK drama...i think for all the HK drama that the first ep can make people felt touch and cry this is the first one ever that make me cry for just watching the first ep...i was touch for the things the " dai cam jie"said , this person played quite an important role in wedding, she or he will say good word and blessing so that a new wedding couple will goes smoothly and happy in their coming new life. if in my wedding the "dai cam jie" say those things i sure will be touch and cry, because i love my parents so much...

this drama is quite interesting to watch, may be because i also have the interest of becoming a wedding planer. may be in the future i will nt get married but i also hope lovers will be happy in the wedding because once in the life time.

hopefully one day my dream will come true of becoming a wedding planner...^^

New make over...YUHOOO!!!

sure will let people scold that until so "early" still not sleeping, yet not doing assignment but making a new make over to my old"pal" haha...is like FINALLY i had this make over for my blog...this will be a new start for me where things will change....sooner or later i think i also need a new make over...haha...

i think thats all for now...later i sure will add some nice stuff to it...STAY TUNE!! ^_^

valentines day....

today is valentines day...many couples should everywhere in the town, shopping mall, cinema, restaurant etc etc....may be some couples will have some surprise for their love ones....may be propose, or another 999 roses or even more....hmmm dun noe how is the feeling of having so much roses, i think for me my room will full with roses and not enough vases from them...haha...

For couples they sure have many things to do....but as for singles...what r they doin at this time? hmmm...i wonder....may be goin to take down some happenings club, or having so singles night with besties, or just staying at home watching movies or like me...doin assignment? or jst doin nothing...haha...

this valentines i have something to remember...not because i have any romantics dates or surprises, to be truth i have nothing on valentine....but something i learn from it, although i have no lovers, but at least i have some1 to love...i have my families and friends to love...and also my beloved ASSIGNMENTS...HOW SWEET OF IT...haha....

ok la...tat end for my V day talk....hope lovers out side there will be as sweet as honey....

dun really noe hw to describe....

these few days bc packing stuff, unpacking stuff, tidy stuff....fuh....still got a lots more to do....my room is not really my room yet cos got two "tumbang" sleeping at room....my brothers....haha...wish their room will be faster tidy up and they will sleep in their own rooms and i can have my big room all by myself....wahahaha....

bc-ing moving and tidy up stuff really make the mood of doing assignment decease more when seeing a lot of stuff piling here and there...there isn't a real place for me to start my work too....i wish to go my friend place to do work but i scare later no one at home will help out my parents in tidy up stuff or moving stuff cos they edi work so much until here pain there pain....hear also heart pain....can nt really let them suffer....but this is also nt the reason for me to stop my work right...haha...i noe my lec will say so....i also dun one to let them down also...i will try my best cos its edi a new year and another new start for every1...

now is edi 2011 and good bye to 2010 where this year change a lot in me....although is nt a very good year for me but i can say with out it i will not learn something....with out it may be i'm still a gurl who always think things will always be the where it is not....hahaha....hopefully this year i will get good result, faster graduate, everything goes smoothly with my loves one....^^

can i or can't i?

after talking v him from a long fon call....v decided to stop seeing each other for the next two month...actually i edi planning to do so but just i wanted him to say it ratter than me....may be if is me i will felt bad after saying that because i can resist to stop seeing him or even contact him....if is him who say it out i will be a bit ok with it because this is wat he choose to...haha....but actually is because i wanted to now the answer, always fan-ing him....hope to get the answer as quick as possible and also the answer that i wanted...

in the end i got what i deserve....may be is a good thing...may is not? i dun really know...i noe it will be a bit hard for me to do so....but i can nt choose anything more than this...may be its better because i will fan him and also let him have some time to really think about it....hopefully he will not change his mind within the two month...hopefully i get wat i deserve...hopefully it turn out well....

but my feelings now is like so regretful of agree-ing....my mind turn out many may be question, many if question.....the time haven come i edi simply think stuff de....i can nt denied that is me...

at this time i can nt be very happy or sad...there is nothing to be happy of...nothing to be proud of...just can take it normally...

with in the two month...will it have many things happen that time?....will things change? will i break my promise for dialing the fon? can i stand with-in the two month? nah....there will have no answer for these question because i dun one to answer any of it....may be in the first place i should let him go...if he comes back means he still love me....if not than there is nothing more to be stubborn of.....

u dun tell me wat our relationship will be in the next month but i edi noe what v will be....not couples not even friend not even enemy....just a normal person...

i will until the times come and i hope u hold ur promise.....

love kills....

today i finally finish my exam....fuh...but still have lots of assignment to finish...cham....life is like tat de la....hehe....

today i saw this new about a guy name alvis kong, is not something shocking actually but just a guy because of "love" suicide....

this is the guy....handsome right? personality i dun noe la....but heard from some friends of mine after the first relationship, he edi wanted to go suicide....to me my mind came out with a WHY?

WHY he wanted to think that way? now after the second one....he do wat he wish for.... commit suicide....is like very proud of doing that...but the truth is....NO!!! u dun gain any proud-ness of doing that...u only will make the people tat care about u suffer....he said hw much he love his GF...and now he will just bring pressure to the people he love....i really dun noe wat is he thinking....he got the looks....scare can nt find another people that really love him....if dun one than take the guts to chance back her...what for go die...hurt the parents who raise him until now....i really dun one to say this but is really STUPID.

i'm not sad because he die...i'm sad because he dun have the guts to live on...i'm sad because his parents sure will be sad of this.....i'm sad because why can he be so selfish.....

even me...after the people i love leave me ....it was sad....it was hurt....although i did think of hurting myself....even suicide...i noe is stupid....but in the end...i didn't do any of this because i know my parents will be sad, my friends....i dun one them to be sad....i dun one to hurt them....thats y i'm still here....even now i'm still trying to get bck the person i love but to say the truth i really dun noe how long it will last....

these few days i being forceful to know the answer...may be i'm scare that i dun noe how long it will take...dun noe how long the feeling will last....dun noe in the end will u came out will th sentence" i dun love u any more"....算了啦。u wanted to be this way...i just will follow...thats all.....

爱情，不要顺其自然...

i found this interesting and also kind of right for wat it wrote....

我们总是以为，我们会找到一个自己很爱很爱的人。 可是当我们回首，才发觉自己曾经多么天真。 假如从来没有开始，你怎么知道自己会不会很爱很爱那个人呢？

其实，很爱很爱的感觉，是要在一起经历了许多事情之後才会发现的。

茫茫人海可以找到一个心爱的人，这是多么大的福气， 或许没有你想象那么好，应该也不会糟糕到哪里， 所以要知福惜福好好珍惜，多说关怀话，少说责备话。

如果你懂得珍惜，你会发现你获得的越来越多， 如果你一昧追求，你会发现你失去的越来越快。

爱情合理就好，不要委屈将就，不要相信完美的爱情， 其实彼此有缺点，有一种纯朴的可爱就足够了。

我们拥有一只鞋子的时候，才会明白失去另一只鞋子的滋味， 消逝的恋情总是刻骨铭心的，珍惜或放下，都是生命中必经的过程。

相爱的时候需要真诚，争执的时候需要沟通， 生气的时候需要冷静，愉快的时候需要分享， 指责的时候需要谅解，过日子的时候需要包容。

一个人的生命里，擦肩而过的人有千千万万， 有几个是知音？有几个是深爱自己的人？ 爱情再坚固，也无法承受忙碌的侵蚀， 你忙得天荒地乱，你忙得忘记关心，你忙得身心疲惫，你忙得无所适从， 但是 ------ 爱情不能等你有空才珍惜。

*p/s: u always ask me to do my stuff and when free that time only come find u this and that...but not everything free that time only do only shows appreciation...because once the feeling have gone...the love have gone...is too late to show any appreciation....and i dun one it to happen so i'm not wasting every single time that i can spend with u....^_^

i wanted to high light this part:

女人不要说，你没有遇到你想遇到的人，你想嫁的人，如果你的容貌身材姿色收入家庭条件出生没有发生改变的话，按照常理和规律，你就应该和现在的人在一起。

男人不要说，等我有了钱，等我成功了，等我有了权，如果你的相貌身材收入家庭姿色没有发生根本转变的话按照常理和规律，你就应该和现在的人在一起。你现在能遇到的，能交往的，就是你可以找到的人。

所以，你不要想以后怎样，以后是以后的事情。

人生不过百年，幕起幕落而已。

b4 this i always wanted to find some1 that is perfectly match to what i'm looking for in a guy that i love....but now i realize that the person i'm with is actually the person i'm looking for all these time....haha...it is true....i will stop thinking of wat will happen nx because i just want to appreciate the time i have v u...

wish me luck for my exam later....^_^

emo-ing...

last night suddenly i went emo-ing....started to simply think stuff again....suddenly felt like hearing the song from Jay chao- 回到过去。。。when hearing this song my tears began to drop....is not the song that make me felt touch....is the memories i have that can not turn bck....this happen may be because now he is at ipoh...it reminds me back when v were tgt and he is still at ipoh haven transfer bck here....the time many sweet and touching things happen....many calling...many msg-ing...many missing....may be is because that is the period of "hot love" ba....and now things change...none of this will happen again....if just me here waiting n waiting....hoping one day something will happen but sometimes v really need to face the truth were the sweet time have past de....and never coming bck...is not that i dun one to...i'm just be truthful to myself thats all....

being emo-ing sometimes is good....where u will not still dreaming of any good stuff to happen and face the reality...sometimes it really sad to be emo-ing where sometimes people dun understand u...

this is me...who like to be emo sometimes when i'm alone or sometimes with friends....

long hair....

i had once keep long hair....it was the longest i had...that long hair i had i kept it so long, tahan for so long...but in the end i cut it short...very short...just to change a new look....haha...think bck a bit stupid of me to cut short...haha...if now i still have that long hair, may be i can also play with other style like curling my hair, continue to dye my hair with new colours(of cos not those super striking colour la....haha)

hope my hair my grow faster cos i miss it so much.....>_<

always to be remember that u really love some1, u must....

爱一个人，要了解，也要开解；

要道歉，也要道谢；

要认错，也要改错；

要体贴，也要体谅；

是接受，而不是忍受；

是宽容，而不是纵容；

是支持，而不是支配；

是慰问，而不是质问；

是倾诉，而不是控诉；

是难忘，而不是遗忘；

是彼此交流，而不是凡事交代；

是为对方默默祈求，

而不是向对方诸多要求；

可以浪漫，但不要浪费；

`*不要随便牵手，

`*更不要随便放手

dear，谈一场永不分手的恋爱,可以吗?

谈一场永不分手的恋爱；

就算吵架；

就算生气；

就算分开；

也会在一起！

谈一场永不分手的恋爱；

就算我们很忙；

就算我们很累；

只要见到彼此就会温馨一笑！

谈一场永不分手的恋爱；

就算我们结婚；

就算我们有孩子；

就算我们在一起很久了；

我也会想让我在睡觉前抱你一会儿！

谈一场永不分手的恋爱；

那场恋爱；

我们都会长大；

都会懂事；

都会成熟；

但也会在只有彼此的时候幼稚一下下！

谈一场永不分手的恋爱；

在那场恋爱里；

只有彼此；

没有背叛；

没有分离；

没有心痛！

谈一场永不分手的恋爱；

那场恋爱里；

我们懂得彼此；

熟悉彼此；

习惯彼此；

依赖彼此！

谈一场永不分手的恋爱；

我们的恋爱中；

有一个自己的家；

有一个我们的宝宝；

孩子叫我爸爸、叫你妈妈！

谈一场永不分手的恋爱；

我们会一直牵着彼此的手；

陪着对方渡过每一天；

快乐、忧伤；

首先会想到对方；

彼此的感情不会随着时间的逝世而随波逐流！

谈一场永不分手的恋爱；

我们会一直走下去；

蹒跚漫步；

夕阳西下；

白头到老；

相濡以沫；

然后轻抚着你的脸庞、轻声说句

“对你感觉一直都在！”

baby...

from the date 30-11-2010 u started to call me "baby",

although is kind of shocking that suddenly u call me "baby",

but deep inside i'm happy to hear it...

because u will not call me other than "bi"...

although is the same but it have been some times to heard u being a bit sweet to me....haha

i like the way u call me because it makes me felt somehow important to u...

i felt special than others....

i wanted to feel that way....

and somehow i felt although u like to answer me don't know for some question...

but deep inside of u already have answer for it....

i noe my six sense is just 50/50

but i hope it is true of what i have sense...

hopefully to hear u call my "baby" everyday until one day i truly become ur "baby" ....^_^

month of December......^_^

2-12-2010

time passes very very fast....so fast is the end of the year.....so fast i'm going to move to my new house and finally stay v my parents.....so fast i'm going to leave my hometown...so fast Christmas and new year is around the corner....

this day remind me many memories of him....the time v went out dating...the time v saw our first movie together just the two of us....the time v walk around window shopping....the time v read books tgt saying how our place should be design in the future...the time v always went shopping for food.....i always have a great time when spending time just for me n u.....^_^

i would say that everyday is a special day when being with u...i think i should have a camera to always take around when i'm v u....always take down the special moment v u.....hehe...

hopefully everyday is a happy day for me n u.....love u....